All I know is what goes on in my Head

I can say I have been thinking about my life past and future. I been thinking about the good and bad. Thinking about the negatives,losses, positives, and the gain. The way I see it I haven't gained shit in my life up until this point. I had major losses in my life up until this point though. I lossed my ability to trust a woman now. I have lossed the patients to be in a relationship with a woman. I am constantly losing respect for people around me which is no suprise. People lie and deceive and do every thing they can to take a advantage wen they see an opportunity. I even lossed the ability to see my future in a positive way. I use to want a family and i use to have honor and pride myself on being true to myself as well as the one im with. But that bullshit don't exist with me no more. I don't want or need one woman. Cuz I am gone wanna fuck someone else if the chance comes up if i like them. I like being alone or the idea of being single that means I can tell you the truth if I choose to. Its probly bad or sad but I don't give a damn about how someone feels or thinks about me any more if they are a female especially. Im just gone be me in every way if you dont like it so who gives a shit. I know I dont honestly. Right now I did wish I had a child to take care of. Being a good father I can do that. A lot of women are raising dumb babies. Not all but alot of women. You kno why cuz they dumb themselves and for getting pregnant by dumb degenerate sperm donor. Its funny to me in those situations. I don't want or need or think a woman can make me happy in this point in my life. Just I for now can make me happy. I got this one chick thats digging me well no actually a couple that say they luv me and care bout me and all that crap. I feel sad at times cuz mayb they mean it. But then I say to myself she got issues and just don't want to be alone or sum shit. Either way I tell her I am not that guy that you need to be telling you luv him and stuff. Cuz i wont mostly care or either believe you. I am sorry I am this way. I just feel like people tell way to many lies ya kno men and women. In my case women man they be lying lol its cool though. I been killing myself since I was was 7 teen drinking smoking you know the usual stuff that makes a young adult in america. Im only grown now cuz i can buy a 40. Not because of my actions or judgement. But just because lol i am over 18 and 21 years of age. I miss europe tho at least you are treated like a human being that can make their own decisions. These are sumthings that goes on in my head just sum. I feel like dying right now.........................