Wish

I luv everyone first off. I wish people really accept dat. My wish is if I had a jeanee in a bottle i wish everyone found peace . My heart wish it didnt hurt so much thinkin bout how fucked up this world we live in. I have so much love inside of me that I wanna just let out and give. Make it rain they say.... I wish people would stop speedin thru wal mart parkin lot tho its babies and kids and old folks. I wish I wasnt thinkin and feelin like fallin back in love. Cuz its one luv for me still. I wish i didnt act a fool and be inconsiderate at certain moments. I wish i would stop feelin so sensitive tho. No homo... But like my nigga say time is money i wish i had more so im always ok wen i got it... so addicted

DarkSide

I can say that even though I love my family to death we are crazy ass hell. We all got anger issues. Especially me! I rarely even get angry though but when I do I feel like blowin every fucking thing up. Everything with no regard to shit. Right now I am currently angry and I feel like really shooting someone. I really do cuz mutha fuckers are pissin me off. Its bad cuz I dont bother no fuckin body. I dont try to disrepect people or make people feel uncomfortable or hurt anyone on purpose ya know. So please people dont come to me with any type of bullshit cuz my darkest side will come out and then its on. My darkside hasnt been out in years but he is still in me waiting for his chance to show his face. I just wish he never has to come out. Cuz he is a beast to mess with. I feel like letting go sumtimes though and just let my darkside take me over completely. But I had been doing my best to stay away from drama I finally got rid of sum drama causing females and got one more to go. But to sum all this up don't fuck with me ever or you will regret it...................

My First Love

First off before before I speak on my title of this blog I would like to let you know that today is just one of those days where I am like emotional(no homo though). Like one of those days and or nights you spend thinking about significant moments throughout your life. And one of those things that I was thinking about that kept me up most of the night was thinking bout my first love. Imma start it off like this...... I remember the first met it was through my bestest pal in the whole world Johnathon A. B. Bohannon ( AKA Scooter). Yeah! We picked her up from a hair appointment and when she got into the car and noticed I was in the back seat she turned around and it was like she feel in love with me at first sight. Because she just could not stop staring at me. I was like she was in a daze or sumthing and it really did creep me out cuz in the back of my mind I was like why in the hell is this girl looking at me like this. From then on I don't remember details about every single thing so bare with me. But what I will tell you is what I do remember about her and how I felt about her. I never knew when I met this girl that my life would change forever far as having deep thoughts about her. Cuz I had girl friends and stuff like that before that I said I loved. But I didn't even know what love felt like till I got to know this girl. She was different very different until this day I can say she still is different in a very special way. This is why I fell in love with her. Just like most relationships start off they start with the met and greets then phone calls and dates and visits. But with her every thing was an adventure to be cherished it truely is that is why I am sitting at my computer writing about sum of them. After we really got to know each other we was inseparatable. If you see her I am with her and vice versa. It was like she completed me and I needed her more than she needed me type deal. I remember times when I wasnt or could't be around her I would feel sick like my heart was slowly dying or sumthing. I would seriously feel sick to my stomach I would feel weak and without life. One of the greatest things I got out of being with her is her gift to make people laugh cuz was so silly just like me. She is the only person till this day that made me laugh the hardest the longest and the loudess. Most of those times I usualy was crying cause I was laughing so hard. We always did every single thing together we enjoyed each other that much. Both of our parents was like arent ya'll tired of being with each other all the damn time literally. My mom would say Jarvis you not tired of her being up under you all the time. I would say no but I could explain to my my at the time cuz I didn't think that she understood that I was really in love with this girl. One of the things that did break my heart being with her at times is when we did fight jus like any couple is I could not stand to she her cry. OMG please don't cry it broke my heart when she did and I hated when she cried cuz she was my baby. I felt like crying when she cried. My Baby! Everything we did together was always special. Everything every moment was special even the bad moments. We broke up a couple times though. But get right back together like 5 minutes later we both was that special and at the same time so drawn to each other that neither one of us could even seriously think about not being with one another. One thing I loved to do from time to time is watch the sunrise early in the morning. So one morning I took her to virginia beach to watch the sunrise. OMG this was one of the greastest moments in my life. We spent time on the beach chillin and even had sex on the beach but we was both trippen out cuz people lol was actually walking on the beach while i was inside her and then we was trippin out lol about a damn segal that to me looked funny cuz of the way it walked. I never had sex with her except for those need to get it in quickess. But all the other times we made love. And we did this very often very very often lol. It would be dayz spent where thats all we did. Do it sleep wake up do it sleep wake up do it then sleep. What I felt with her was almost unreal. Deep down knowing she has such a good heart and was so caring is what attracted me more to her each and everyday when we where together. I loved her family as if it was they my own. Lol I just remember when she almost tried to kill us though when she got mad at me. I was speeding down 95 on the way sum where I can recall but we got into an argument about sumthing and I I could remember is I was doing like 85 90 miles per hour and my baby gone grab the steering wheel and tried to run us off the road into a ditch. It was near the second chesterfied exit the one where you can go to 295 and hopewell. I say this lil part cuz I was watching a comedy the other day and the guy was like you can tell when your woman really loves you if she hits you or try to kill you. It might sound bad but its true in my opinion because I knew she loved me its just I upsetted her so bad at moments she could not lol restrain herself from striking me. I never felt so strongly about a girl in my life. Even till this day I haven't been able to come across this same emotion I felt with being with her. LOVE I mean like the die for type love. Yeah I ran into another girl after we had officially broken up that I said I Loved. But it was never like it was when I met my first real love. I still love her to this day but time and a lot of heartache has changed me in ways. Even after my love broke up she was always there for me I mean always there. Thank you for always being there for me even when you think I didn't appreciate it. Its people like my first love that really and truely make this life worth living and this world a better place. Thanks for reading and jus know my first love you are still my first.............................

Hopefully

Hopefully I can be in a mode where I feel free and not lie or pretend. Hopefully I can be happy with what I got going on in my life. Its kinda hard at times to be that way with thinking bout your problems and others problems of people you care about. Hopefully my family will all be together one day. Hopefully one day soon every human being finds peace in life instead of death. But currently I am a slave to death and so is half the world. Hopefully we all get it together one day. Hopefully people could stop lying to themselves causin them to lie to others. This very common and I can say I am guilty of it too. I am guilty of alot of things. One is letting others get to close to me and their not my family. All I see now is my family. Hopefully I have enough money to move some of them in with me so they won't miss me and I won't live alone. I don't need a conpanion or girlfriend right now. Fuck that shit right at this moment. Hopefully oneday I do meet someone that I am suppose to be with every single day until I die. But in todays times its to many flings and pretending. I rather not waste my time with that. I am only 23 and I see myself having money, house, and a steady outlook on life before I settle. So if I do be blessed to live til im older I can say I have plenty of time misses out there. Hopefully others that been in very depressed and fucked up situations learned from it. I did thats why I wanna do it right this time around instead of rushing things. Hopefully there is a woman out there that understands the above mentioned agenda (settling down). One day I hopefully I will be blessed with sum kids and not just a baby mama. This is important to me. Father and mother together always for the babies. Hopefully more people start to see things this way. It saddens me to see so many baby mamas out there with no real father. Or to see baby mamas that sperm donors fucking nutted and left the woman and child alone and they are no where to be found. Dammit I hate that shit!!! For the ones that know me, my situation, and my feelings towards kids know y I feel this way. Hopefully soon shit will come together for me...............

On My Mind

Shit I been thinking bout my family alot. I been thinking bout alot of shit including money, women, my life in general and what means most to me. At the current moment I am kinda like most people I would say most of us don't really know what we need we just know what we want. It's funny cuz I know what I need. But I am chasing wants. I listen to what people tell me when they talk to me so I'm not making shit up. For example I feel like every thing I heard so far evryone wants and needs someone with them. A partner in short. You gone be with me till Im gone or vice versa or god willin we die together. We or most of us want that. Is it what we need tho. Maybe. I want a woman I can be down with for life. There is one thats proven so much to me over the years but I think I fucked that shit all up. Its nice to know her cuz she has a big heart regardless what you think about her. So now I am just gettin off auto piolet and thinkin bout really havin someone by my side. I can't live this life alone if I want but my heart is not tryin to let me. It's constantly telling me to share it. (My Heart) At times I resist its urge to open it up. Number one reason people play games and if not they not focused. That leaves me lonely right now like others out there. But its cool cuz I believe in fate. If its meant to be it will. If not you will soon find out if not already. My generation is all screwed up and I am a product of this shit. Its funny cuz I seen this crazyness coming even when I was little thats why I constantly was thinking about killing myself or dying. But I have learned I can't die yet until my physical, mental, and soul served its purpose. So now I starting to get a lil mo focused on my family. Cuz they are always there for you. Imma be there for them too. Other than that I think about you all that I met. If slept with you chilled or talked to you imma pray for us all especially for myself. This life is crazy..................

Go Head

Go head and be free like the wind. Begin a new life with the past future. Go head find peace or be patient and it will come. Go head have kids and a big family. Go head don't be scared to be happy do what makes you that way. Go head forget about me and the nonsense that don't matter at this moment. Just live. Imma go head and live to I die if I'm not dead already. Go head make more mistakes jus don't make the same ones that keep you from being happy now. Go head and focus on important stuff that makes you wanna live to see the next day. Go head and live. Live, live,live, LIVE....

SLOWLY

Slowly I am dying on the inside. I feel like not wanting nothing now a days like nothing matters. Slowly day to day my mind is telling my heart not to beat any more. I feel it wants to stop after a while. I reached a point in my time being on this earth I have found stuff worth wanting to live for but at the same time it is so much things that just fucked up that I dont care to watch anymore listen anymore feel anymore. Slowly Im killing myself cuz I smoke and drink way more than I should and it its killing me but I don't wanna stop till I reach my goal. I could stop if I wanted to i know this and feel I could but why for what reason other than ppl. I am beautiful on the inside and out but Im slowly realizing this life time is not for me. I think and feel to deeply about everything in my life to the point that everything around me and ppl around me would never understand. They can't. Hopefully someone really does and did understand where I am coming from and I met them and I will change my current mindset. Slowly things that mattered is no longer starting to matter. Maybe i think to much at times but I want things to change and be better for my life and every person on this earth. They are for sum ppl and souls slowly. Im sorry to have hurt people in the past and present. I am this is one reason i am turning into a zombie. But not the main reason. Bad as i want to share my heart and soul I cant. Not at this moment at least unless someone had a certain understanding of me and I had the same for them. What this man has to offer is way worth being played with lied to or hurt over misunderstanding or foolishness. So I will never take it that far with you. Cuz you will toy with me and if you didnt toy you will change on me which i understand also. I will keep my heart to myself unless i find something I could give it to. For one instance men and woman aint shit now adays for me. For me they aint shit. Slowly i sleep now til one and and nite I am no longer here.

I'm

I'm not perfect but I will be the best for you. I'm only a man with flaws and one that made plenty mistakes. I'm willing to do any thing it takes for you. I'm considered stupid at times but I'm only human. I'm a great father and husband if givin one chance. I'm not a hit and run like your baby dad is. I'm not a person to play with like most people try to play you. I'm the man that needs a real woman cause like her I need the essense of fufillment. I'm not a man that hand out flu cees like every one around me. I'm feeling like real people are going to be rare very soon and I'm surely leaving here in one minute. I'm only wishing I could share myself and my soul with you if you let me. I'm the one that will hold you at night and fight for you and your desires. I'm not superman but will damn near come close if that means being with you. I'm a ghost but I will always live through you in spirit. I'm not here today tonite tommorrow or next year. I'm here now.........

Here There I dont't Know

Have you ever felt so down. So confused lol. So withdrawn and alone like no one ever experience what you u what u feel and how u life. Somedayz you feel like your heart is actually melting and you will all of a sudden die from a heart attack. You feel like not trusting any one except for ones you grew up with. Bros, Sis, Mom, Closet best friend like Bro, and of course cuzzos and all ur fam. But u dont trust girl friends, boy friends ex's, prospects, assocaites, booty calls what ever you want to call call them. All those ppl I put in a category. The catorgory is dissapointment of possible future dissapointment. Now I feel like no one I met or know truly understands my being and my thoughts and feelings. They say they do. But they lie you lie I lie we all lie. Oh I care and understand well help me I say. Lol then what comes next an excuse or some help or the type of help or cure you dont need. Once again your alone . But one thing I can say your FAMILY will be there for you always. ALWAYS if you have any.... But in general with folks who got sum ppl that care for them. Thats why I am not having no girl friend no wifey or no boo or anything like that for a while. Im much happier facing the fact that I would live my life without a female counter part. Just like men we say we this we that we say we the shit . Women say im different trust worthy idependent strong you say this you say that u say tons of things to get ur so called man. I just simply cant believe anything anyone tells me any more unless action follows. You might as well punch me in my face to tell me you are mad at me then to say your mad. Sike dont do that shit cuz then i might have to kill you. I am setting myself free. Free from you people who devour my soul for your own pleasure your own unconcious self rightoues reasons. Your so call love your lust your concern. Just think of me as someone who is or is going brain dead heart dead im dead. You ever felt like sum things you just feed up with you just grown im fucking patient. I am a ticking time bomb. Thats why im cutting certain ppl off or out of my life cuz i care but they dont understand my mind is here and there all the time. If you know or knew me then you would know my doesnt sit to be normal. I constantly thinking about dying every single day. Thats not normal ppl say but ppl do think that way. I not going to wish any thing bu it would b a relief to be free from all this confusion pain suffering poisen war and tons of other bad things that to me out weighs living in dis piece of shit this black hole we call home earth. Fuck it i say just kill me and im good cuz my mind is here and there...

Black and emotions

Im black but my skin tone is a lil lighter. Im black cuz my strong genes come from my mother who is almost darker than most. My smile is bright like my moms. My frown is like a tiger. Alone in this wilderness. Bad as I want the one thats for me the one is out of order for the time being. As you all know we dont got much time on this rock. Deep down i wish my light was here. It makes me whole like itself realizes. I see it and my body reacts. i dont wanna fuck unless its her. She kno who she is.. stand up im standin as much as i can at this current moment. this world cannot exist if it felt my emotions. it would explode. my mind heart and soul is strong alone. but i wish i had her here now. im impatient its obvious but its for a good cause . my heart.... I FLAT LINE...........Im another BLK nigga as dem reports call it with all my love and emotions my colors blind..........

SHOULD

Lately I have been thinkin bout what I should do who I should see who I should trust Im feelin like should this should that. I blank out what should i do. I say should cause should has two sides. Neg and positive. I should do that but i should think about whats gone happen. Should I say this to her. Should I say that to her should I say that to him. Maybe I should. May I should keep on doing what I am doing. The word should and whats its associated with is driving me fuckin nuts. Should Should Should. I m feeling hostile If I had some one in my face my face right now and they say you should i would fight them. Nobody knos what they should do. No body Knows wat they should say. How should I act and how should this go. how should I look. How should she do that how should he do this. How should I get her how should i get em. should I this should I that should is should should damn should.........

Mortal

Am I alive now what a suprise. I am here but dead. I breath and my heart slows down. I look at faded portraits of life current and old and my eyes blacken. True beauty seems to find me. It brightens my blackened pupils. We want you I you and her and he says. To be.... Be here be there be apart to be hers to be his be loved. Burning of life every where and the smell of death in every ones nostrils. Common thruout this black hole we live in. The scent is stronger and the hole is deeper. The ball of darkness consumes and tombs are filled with flowers tryin to grow above the surface of the black hole. Sun rise is the souls that joined to show its true love and beauty smile is what i was told that morning. The warmth filling my emptiness. Without life there is death when there life no death is where was and are wanna BE. My mortal presence lost my mortal sin is present . Conflict between mars and earth. Earth calm mars distant and destructive. Mortals live on earth but mars is taken over. Blind forever thru ways not realized thru this time but later defined. MIne... Mortal.... I we .. R

Aint no love

Aint no love like.... Aint no love like big girl love. Big girl will kill and die all for you and shit. Aint no love like big girl love cause big girl kno she big and still loves herself. Big girls are how can I say this umm beautiful yes you are. Inside and out. She is only sexy when she wants to be. Big girls when I say you look good believe I you look damn good. Aint no love like big girls cuz they ready to jump on just about any living creature ready to touch look or smell or be in the presence of her man or boo. Especially another female so watch out. Ain't no love like big girl love. She appears big on the outside but her heart is just as big. Just because say the word big girl I am refering to all woman who loves themselves and loves their man. On the behalf of sum men I say thanks to all woman that are beautiful on the inside and shows it on the outside. But really if you aint being loved by a big girl then what else love could i possibly have????????

Selfish Feeling

Everybody in this world can is or has the potential to be selfish. The to me is different levels of selfishness. Some people are blinded by it. Sum people are Consciousness of their selfishness. Me i am a very selfish person and I know this. I am so selfish I rather not have any one need or want nothin from me because I not going to give anything in return. Hateful too I am if I am pushed to that level. I am starting to realize that maybe thats why I always feel alone. And i am comfortable with that. It is just the way I feel. I don't need no woman friend companion wife or anything resembling any form of relationship of man and woman. I will not ever be hurt again by any relationship of that matter. I will not hurt anyone else in a relationship by not even getting into one. Their are exceptions to not being in a relationship where people have feelings and they still are hurt. That is why my selfish ass will cut that off too. No friends with feelings jus associates with benifits. In away I am glad my life is going the way it is cuz I am learning more about myself and what it is IIIIIII REALLY WANT. I as in ME ME ME ME. Don't be suprised if you never hear from my selfish hateful dirty triflin stupid dumb coldhearted obnoxious nasty mean ass again.

GHOST

My favorite word i like to use to make sumthing dissappear is ghost. I like it because most of the time when people describe a ghost most say a spirit or unseen force dwelling around but not physically there. I have found out that sumtimes people can be a ghost too. I have decided to become a ghost by going sum where far away from everything i know or knew. Including friends past and present family from past and present. Because i am a human being with emotions i care not to share with sum people close or think they close to me my emotions or feelings. I havent had the patience to really tell these close ones my feelings. Cause they won't understand and i kno this for a fact because i know what their feelings are so it conflicts with what i really feel on the inside so therefore its pointless to say whats inside of me. Because i know it would hurts them. Words live forever people don't. So what i say or have said you will remember me. But if I say nothin and disappear after awhile my being would be no more than a breeze a whim nothin. I will soon be forgotten just like most ghosts. So when I become one lingering around i will be lost to you forever..........

Yea Yo I aint

Yea yo I aint perfect. Yea yo I don't got rims yet. Yea yo you fine I aint mad at that shittt.... Yea yo I aint your old nigga so don't play me like dat. Yea yo I aint buying you a drink cuz you can produce currency jus like I so buy urself a damn drink shit. Yea yo I aint ready for a ship to put all my eggs in right now. Yea yo I aint no regular nigga how may I help you. Yea yo I aint paying ur rent or buying a drank but anything else is cool. Yea yo I aint here to pick up chicks. Yeahh Yeahh Im not this is true. Yea yo I aint gay im jus not interested in you HA. Yea yo I aint nuffin wit out my other heart. Yea yo I aint got jus got one heart I got two. One in my chest and the other in anothers chest. Yea yo I aint trippen. Yeah yo I aint What lets hear it.......

Lips

I love pussy lips on my face. I lick the left lip and right. Pause..... When I do that my tongue it wont stop moving. Dem lips love being ova my face and tongue. Ok the first time you nut on my face its like a since of relief. Let it out all on me. Ya her me. I love swimming. Its nuffin better then swimming in pussy. Dat white thick nut running down my fucking face and lip im like can i get more. Maybe Imma freak or what ever you wanna call it. I'll fuck till I die bitches niggas. Im in dat pussy like I should never leave it. I might leave some juice but I will make you leave way mo on my face and dick then what I left. I love sex. I find myself alot of times trying not to have sex with you. Im sorry whats your name again. I beat dem lips up. Those nuts you produce xplode on my meat. I take my meat out. To bad 7 times out of ten i need more of that shit. Nuffin turns me on more den makin you cum on me and keep cuming if you wit me. Shit nigga she out. And she sleep and i am following her in a second. Ahhhh I feel so fucking good and relaxed. I love your lips........

Stupid

The stupid things we do. We are natural born creatures that makes mistakes. If you sit back and watch some its funny to look at them do stupid things. But often you happen know people who did some thing stupid and its not so funny. The shit is stupid but its something you just cant laugh at. Cuz it affects people that has heart for you. Meaning they care for you in a way that you are a living somebody in their mind. Shittttt nigga I done a lot of stupid shit. Like fuck bitches you dont know witout condums. That shit after I done it was dumb as fuck. Not stupid but just plain out ridiculous. Whats crazy is some of those times I wasnt even drinkin jus horny as all hell. Ya know. But thankfully I get tested every year. Guess whats niggas and bitches im clean and free of any fuckin shit. That was a relief damn. That is an example of something I have done that was just plain out fuckin stupid. Cuz niggas and bitches are alot of times nasty and give you shit. This was one of the last most stupidest things I done that I care deeply about. MY dick and long term health. In between that and now i slipped and done sumthings that was questionable but not stupid to me. When I seen sumthing stupid or watch someone do sumthing stupid. I ask my self should I tell them my opinion why they shouldnt do that stupid shit. A lot of times people that do stupid shit already have their mind made up and nuffin you can or could say will stop them. I think its stupid to talk about other people ya know. Yea we all make lil comments bout er body. But to talk talk about people is stupid. Dats just my opinion. It is. When I hear someone talking about someone and I dont care who it is. If its nuffin good I dont want to hear it. Cuz you fuck up or will fuck up just like that human you talkin bout. So to me fuck it man they will learn hopefully if not then thay not around to keep doing the same things that destroy and hurts. Like now wit me I been hurt. So for me I do not want to be in anytype of realationship far as boyfriend and girfriend. Ya know cuz I am still tramatize. If you really want me in your life as a husband or boyfriend you just asking for unfaithfulness and non emotional feelings. I am sorry if it hurts some. But my pride fatherhood and manhood has been serverly been hurt. Ask me to be with you if you want after what I just toll you. To me it will be just plain stupid. Cuz imma act a fool. Nuffin crazy jus im only 22 years old and its plenty of 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 year old womenz that jus want dick and nuffin else. Ya her me. It may sound stupid for sum but look around for real. To you I may be stupid but for sumbody or for sum that kno me they kno other.......

Sadly

Sadly I still face drama kings and queens. Im almost ready throw In if you feel me. Pay me! Sadly some people just won't learn till they get fuck up or hurt more they just have to decide which way. Sadly I still care and wanna be the person thats says sorry first my bad. What ever it may be worth to ya. Sadly we still live in a place where people less fornunate than us are getting murdered and raped. Sadly I done sum shit that should never happened and by no means am I proud of that shit. It makes me sick as a matter fact cuz i knew better but I was a dumb ass. But ayy I am still here living learning listening. Sadly some people don't realize what they got till its gone. Its true as hell. Its certain things that I miss bout people that I really could have benifitted from In the last two years. Sadly I am depressed as hell and don't give a fuck. Im lying I love my mother if it wasn't for that bond niggas watch out. She keep me sane to a certain extent. Sadly another black woman is going to raise another baby by herself. Not because the father was not there but the father that was there was played to the side like his fucking soul did not exist. Sadly I still drink alot to help me sleep. After I wake up sadly people still acting like donkeys. Sadly I felt like burning everything up including the one that made me feel this way. I been sad for the last 7 months not because I wanted too. A real man was there for his son Bunny ears. But his son was taken awake by a ignorant bitch. I wish I could say sumthing less harsh but I cannot. Ya feel me. It is what it is. Sadly some woman need a real man but won't ever find it. Some men been hurt to the point where there is no return to what brought him there to love her in the first place. I am sadly a man that had to go threw and still going threw this. What father and real man that has a child looks at another persons baby and you see what you had and its simply taken away shit nigga he aint yours. I was there with her threw the whole birth experiance. Dad will you cut the cord? I wore the same clothes for 2 days to make sure she and my Bunny Ears baby was ok. In the hospital lookin like a goddamn fool. Sadly I felt like crying honestly. Why cuz imma a rare breed thats there for you baby and mama. Im here!! Sadly this depression has altered my mind frame far as thinkin clearly. Sadly I meet alot of promising women and I have a very promising woman that been there fo me. But I been sooo goddamn hurt my eyes bleeds when I cry. Like my heart was with him when he sleeps. The first week he slept on MY CHEST cuz hes mine and aint nuffin gone take him away from me. Sadly I still have flash backs about that shit man. One of the things I regret even now is I never want to hurt nobody. Who doesnt talk shit. I do. But for those that took it a little bit mo personal than others man. My bad yo. I am human being that makes mistakes just like you. Sadly I have to face sum of them now. Its sad when someone still hates when someone says sorry and has way to much to even factor haters in there equilibrium. Dont understand if you want to. Just know things are much simpler than it appears. Sadly im bout to go to sleep cuz im sure someone needs to hear what I have to say...........

Another

I wake wit another hoe. I wake up and want another drank. I wake like I was still woke. I will catch up with you another time homie. I feel like I am living another life. If another person think they can fuck with me they gets done up quick. Im tired as hell man. I need another hour to sleep. I still wake up tired and fucked up. I am going to another counseling session for it lol. Fuck you I need another person to talk to. I finally got another truck. Dat shit new and i attract another bitch. After i am done wit her i get another one. for sum reason shiny shit attracts dem. But anyway i need another blunt to smoke cuz umm i need to chill out. im on my way to get another life now .......

I JUST Wanna

I just wanna be happy. I just wanna make you happy. I just wanna be the best son you had. I just wanna be the best brother. I just wanna be the best giver and not the taker. I just wanna be the best lover. I just wanna be the best person I can while My lungs still capture air. I just I just wanna say sorry for all the people I might have hurt. I just wanna stop doing things that hurt myself. I just wanna know why you judge me and you dont know me. I just wanna know why you hate me. I just wanna stop feelin down and out. I just wanna bust heads to the people that ultimately wont me not to exist just becuz. I just wanna feel peace. I just wanna be.............

WHY

Why do you lie to me you confused person? Why am I just as confused as you are? Why does it take so long to love rather than hate sumting? Why do certain people you talk to seem to think they have all the answers? Why do you judge others and you havent been around or with them? Why are babies so fucking cute? Not all but most. Why is life so crazy? Why do I feel crazy? It might be because I had someone shit pissed and burned my heart up goddamn she did it. Why are most black babies are born with out fathers and the good fathers are thrown to the side like huh?....... My bad sorry I didn;t mean to shit and them bitches are the ones are the main ones saying guys or niggas aint shit specech. Why those bitches so dumb and heartless? Why didn't I kill her ass? Why do I have to be the bigger person or man all the time? Why don't just be like fuck it like alot of other people? Why am I even writing this blog?

Killing

Killing doesn't have to be another human or living creature. Killing is also when something that meant so much is taken away and what makes you lives dies. Your heart has flat lined. Your mind drew to a place of no return when it comes to not being alive. I described how I felt briefly what is happening and what has happened to one of the strongest muscles in my body. Killing is when you lie to another that trusts you completely. Cuz when they find out the truth later you might as well took a stake and jammed that shit in they chest. Killing is when you are not being yourself to the world. Becuz you slacking and could have been a better person someone else dies or suffers but you could have helped them in a way that changes their life to BE. Be is what every human and living creature wants to be. Something that matters sumthing that has a role and they understand that role. We people just want to mean sumting. But you already been killed if your heart stopped one time and never beat again.........

Sumtimes

Sumtimes I wonder where life will take me next in todays crazy times. Sumtimes I wish people would stop hating other people over stuff that will be forgotten later. Sumtimes I just have my days where I say fuck the world and everything in it. Sumtimes I feel like highjacking a space shuttle and go to a whole new world where your life can be truely free of pain,hate, jealousy, fear,destruction,despair,and a lot of other things that makes life hard. I am no perfect soul so sumtimes I feel like doing things that are not good and thing that are not right. It is hard for me to trust alot of people sumtimes when they say things about you to others that have absolutly nuffin to do with your life. I am tired of people judging others that they don't know. Sumtimes I feel like beating them down for being so ignorant. Thats how I feel sumtimes. But hey we only human. I aint perfect and never will be but sumtimes I do my best to be a better person. Sumtimes I wish I wasn't lied to so much. At times sumtimes I felt like not being on this earth beacuz stuff is so contradicting and pointless. Have you ever met someone that didn't express how they felt because it would not change anything. Well sumtimes when these people want to be heard so they do big things where you have no chose but to listen. Sumtimes I wish crazy stuff that happened to me and others didn't happen. But it did cuz sumtimes things happen for a reason far beyond our current capacity of our own minds understanding. But we find out later sumtimes why if we are fortunate to still be living. Even knowing sumtimes is not all good. It would be if you are able to shed light on a situation or experiance with someone. But its not when you know to much and can't use it in a way that would benifit someone or sumting. Sumtimes ignorance is bliss...........