Here There I dont't Know

Have you ever felt so down. So confused lol. So withdrawn and alone like no one ever experience what you u what u feel and how u life. Somedayz you feel like your heart is actually melting and you will all of a sudden die from a heart attack. You feel like not trusting any one except for ones you grew up with. Bros, Sis, Mom, Closet best friend like Bro, and of course cuzzos and all ur fam. But u dont trust girl friends, boy friends ex's, prospects, assocaites, booty calls what ever you want to call call them. All those ppl I put in a category. The catorgory is dissapointment of possible future dissapointment. Now I feel like no one I met or know truly understands my being and my thoughts and feelings. They say they do. But they lie you lie I lie we all lie. Oh I care and understand well help me I say. Lol then what comes next an excuse or some help or the type of help or cure you dont need. Once again your alone . But one thing I can say your FAMILY will be there for you always. ALWAYS if you have any.... But in general with folks who got sum ppl that care for them. Thats why I am not having no girl friend no wifey or no boo or anything like that for a while. Im much happier facing the fact that I would live my life without a female counter part. Just like men we say we this we that we say we the shit . Women say im different trust worthy idependent strong you say this you say that u say tons of things to get ur so called man. I just simply cant believe anything anyone tells me any more unless action follows. You might as well punch me in my face to tell me you are mad at me then to say your mad. Sike dont do that shit cuz then i might have to kill you. I am setting myself free. Free from you people who devour my soul for your own pleasure your own unconcious self rightoues reasons. Your so call love your lust your concern. Just think of me as someone who is or is going brain dead heart dead im dead. You ever felt like sum things you just feed up with you just grown im fucking patient. I am a ticking time bomb. Thats why im cutting certain ppl off or out of my life cuz i care but they dont understand my mind is here and there all the time. If you know or knew me then you would know my doesnt sit to be normal. I constantly thinking about dying every single day. Thats not normal ppl say but ppl do think that way. I not going to wish any thing bu it would b a relief to be free from all this confusion pain suffering poisen war and tons of other bad things that to me out weighs living in dis piece of shit this black hole we call home earth. Fuck it i say just kill me and im good cuz my mind is here and there...

Black and emotions

Im black but my skin tone is a lil lighter. Im black cuz my strong genes come from my mother who is almost darker than most. My smile is bright like my moms. My frown is like a tiger. Alone in this wilderness. Bad as I want the one thats for me the one is out of order for the time being. As you all know we dont got much time on this rock. Deep down i wish my light was here. It makes me whole like itself realizes. I see it and my body reacts. i dont wanna fuck unless its her. She kno who she is.. stand up im standin as much as i can at this current moment. this world cannot exist if it felt my emotions. it would explode. my mind heart and soul is strong alone. but i wish i had her here now. im impatient its obvious but its for a good cause . my heart.... I FLAT LINE...........Im another BLK nigga as dem reports call it with all my love and emotions my colors blind..........

SHOULD

Lately I have been thinkin bout what I should do who I should see who I should trust Im feelin like should this should that. I blank out what should i do. I say should cause should has two sides. Neg and positive. I should do that but i should think about whats gone happen. Should I say this to her. Should I say that to her should I say that to him. Maybe I should. May I should keep on doing what I am doing. The word should and whats its associated with is driving me fuckin nuts. Should Should Should. I m feeling hostile If I had some one in my face my face right now and they say you should i would fight them. Nobody knos what they should do. No body Knows wat they should say. How should I act and how should this go. how should I look. How should she do that how should he do this. How should I get her how should i get em. should I this should I that should is should should damn should.........

Mortal

Am I alive now what a suprise. I am here but dead. I breath and my heart slows down. I look at faded portraits of life current and old and my eyes blacken. True beauty seems to find me. It brightens my blackened pupils. We want you I you and her and he says. To be.... Be here be there be apart to be hers to be his be loved. Burning of life every where and the smell of death in every ones nostrils. Common thruout this black hole we live in. The scent is stronger and the hole is deeper. The ball of darkness consumes and tombs are filled with flowers tryin to grow above the surface of the black hole. Sun rise is the souls that joined to show its true love and beauty smile is what i was told that morning. The warmth filling my emptiness. Without life there is death when there life no death is where was and are wanna BE. My mortal presence lost my mortal sin is present . Conflict between mars and earth. Earth calm mars distant and destructive. Mortals live on earth but mars is taken over. Blind forever thru ways not realized thru this time but later defined. MIne... Mortal.... I we .. R