SLOWLY

Slowly I am dying on the inside. I feel like not wanting nothing now a days like nothing matters. Slowly day to day my mind is telling my heart not to beat any more. I feel it wants to stop after a while. I reached a point in my time being on this earth I have found stuff worth wanting to live for but at the same time it is so much things that just fucked up that I dont care to watch anymore listen anymore feel anymore. Slowly Im killing myself cuz I smoke and drink way more than I should and it its killing me but I don't wanna stop till I reach my goal. I could stop if I wanted to i know this and feel I could but why for what reason other than ppl. I am beautiful on the inside and out but Im slowly realizing this life time is not for me. I think and feel to deeply about everything in my life to the point that everything around me and ppl around me would never understand. They can't. Hopefully someone really does and did understand where I am coming from and I met them and I will change my current mindset. Slowly things that mattered is no longer starting to matter. Maybe i think to much at times but I want things to change and be better for my life and every person on this earth. They are for sum ppl and souls slowly. Im sorry to have hurt people in the past and present. I am this is one reason i am turning into a zombie. But not the main reason. Bad as i want to share my heart and soul I cant. Not at this moment at least unless someone had a certain understanding of me and I had the same for them. What this man has to offer is way worth being played with lied to or hurt over misunderstanding or foolishness. So I will never take it that far with you. Cuz you will toy with me and if you didnt toy you will change on me which i understand also. I will keep my heart to myself unless i find something I could give it to. For one instance men and woman aint shit now adays for me. For me they aint shit. Slowly i sleep now til one and and nite I am no longer here.